If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
