he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
