im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
