mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
