Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
that is very illegal...i love you.
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