the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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