I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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