I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
