I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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