She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he shaved USA in his pubs
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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