I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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