i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
