Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
