i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
