hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
