I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
