I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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