you turned your livingroom into a bong?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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