Whod you bang
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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