Well douche your snatch and let's go!
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
