Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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