Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
