The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
