Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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