She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
