You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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