i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
