I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
