I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
