i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
