After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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