Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
