found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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