I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
