HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
