I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
