i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
