i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
FUCK WHALES
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
