My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
