dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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