my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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