I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
whose parrot is this?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
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