Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
