I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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