Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
