I'm laying in your front yard are you home
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
