He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
