I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
