also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
