ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
