1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
