what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
